Fauci Says He Never Locked Anything Down And Has Never Heard Of COVID
Health · Apr 26, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a testy exchange with an interviewer for Meet the Press last week, Dr. Anthony Fauci claimed he never locked down schools and hasn't even heard of COVID.

"COVID? I've never even heard of such a thing! What is COVID? That sounds made up!" said the former NIAID Director and COVID advisor to the President. "And I certainly had nothing to do with locking down schools and destroying kids' learning and development for over a year. What kind of monster would do something like that? You must have me confused with someone else."

The interviewer then nervously checked his notes to make sure he was, indeed talking to Anthony Fauci, the chief architect of U.S. COVID policies. "But it says here that--"

"Shut up!" cried Fauci as he smacked the notes out of the interviewer's hands. "I'll ask the questions here! I AM SCIENCE!"

Sources say the doctor further denied any involvement in business closures, Wuhan lab coverups, or the field of medicine altogether. At publishing time, former President Trump had claimed to have no idea who Fauci was.

Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.