BOISE, ID — Members of a local family are holding out hope that this might finally be the year they get to see their Thanksgiving turkey explode in an epic fireball, just like in all those local news segments warning of the dangers of turkeys exploding in epic fireballs.
"Yeah, I saw it on Channel 7 News one time where the fire department clumsily dunked a turkey in a wobbly deep fryer, and the whole thing ignited in a beautiful and massive explosion," said Uncle Frank, who helped with the disappointingly uneventful turkey preparation this year. "Someday, maybe I'll see it in person."
"That would be so cool."
Experts have confirmed that if you fill a deep fryer with too much oil, and then splash a fully frozen turkey into the oil at full force over and over again with no regard to safety whatsoever, a cool explosion will ensue. "Every year, we warn of this growing existential threat against American families," said KTVB Anchor Justin Corr. "Also, we just need interesting content. Explosions do well. Please watch our news... please."
Sources say the local family, while disappointed in the complete lack of fiery excitement this year, expects that next year will be a different story. "I might just have to go with some Tannerite next year," said Uncle Frank. "I'm getting tired of waiting for an exploding turkey."
At publishing time, the family was holding out hope for a Christmas light electrical fire this Christmas.
Heartwarming!
