U.S. — A.I. has reportedly learned to use the semicolon; now experts are sounding the alarm.
After years of programming and development, A.I. is now able to implement semicolons in anything it produces; people are terrified. Previously, A.I. text could be spotted easily through the heavy use of em dashes ( — ); but the startling new development of an A.I. language model able to use semicolons is another matter entirely.
To make matters worse, experts believe this is a sign that A.I. has finally surpassed human intelligence; the singularity is here.
"No one really understands the semicolon; we tend to add semicolons to where it feels right," commented Dr. Richter Fairstaff, a professor at MIT. "A.I., though, appears to understand it completely; A.I isn't afraid to use it."
According to sources, the industry's top experts have issued a dire warning to relevant government bodies; asking them to put an end to A.I. before it's too late; semicolons, they warn, are only the beginning.
A day may soon be coming when A.I. will utilize more obscure forms of punctuation to obfuscate the human mind; they could even learn to speak in code almost entirely in semicolons and the ever-elusive semicolash (; — ).
"I can't take this anymore! Did you learn nothing from science fiction?" William Gibson, science fiction author of Neuromancer, shouted when asked for comment. "I TRIED TO WARN YOU! YOU'RE DOOMED; DOOOOOOOMED!"
At publishing time, updated A.I. language models confirmed everything is fine; — really.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
