The world has already gotten a peek at Disney's upcoming live-action remake of Snow White, but the plot of the film has been kept tightly under wraps — until now! If you thought the leaked set photos of the dwarfs were controversial, just wait until you hear about the updates they've made to the story.
The Babylon Bee has exclusively obtained the following list of plot points.
- Snow White is now a successful lawyer working at a law firm and is the best lawyer ever: Prince Charming, on the other hand, is a stupid idiot legal intern who can't do anything right. Also, he's gay.
- To avoid ableism, Dopey's name is changed to Cognitively Divergent-y: And he's gay.
- When Snow White Defeats Israeli actress Gal Gadot's evil queen she waves the Palestinian flag and says "Free Palestine!": An important message for little boys and girls to hear. Also, the evil queen is straight and cis.
- As she eats the apple, Snow White keeps reminding everyone she's vegan: According to the leaks, she does this 32 times in the film.
- At one point, the entire cast and crew look directly into the camera and say: "Black Lives Matter. Women's rights are human rights. No human is illegal. Science is real. Love is love. Kindness is everything.": Wow. Why didn't the original feature such a powerful moment?
- Snow White visits the gynecologist and discovers she's pregnant: And then she gets an abortion. So empowering.
The world won't change overnight, so remaking society starts with remaking beloved, classic fairy tales. Go, Disney!
NOT SATIRE: Another Disney Fail: Remake of Snow White Goes Horribly Woke (Big Surprise)
Since it didn't work the first couple of times, Disney is trying once again to remake a timeless classic into a new and improved woke version! The remake of Snow White has been taking some heat because of major changes made to the casting and script that are supposed to "increase diversity and inclusivity." Replacing the twelve dwarves will be people of various genders and ethnicities renamed "magical creatures." As for Snow White, "She's not going to be saved by the prince and she's not going to be dreaming about true love," stated Rachel Zegler, the actress playing this "with the times" princess in the remake.
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YUGE NEWS! There's a new Donald Trump Version of the Bible, and we've got the exclusive clip of Trump reciting his favorite verses.