SAN FRANCISCO, CA — After suspicions arose from users over lingering bias and political suppression, owner/billionaire/inventor Elon Musk immediately set out to find the responsible employees by building an elaborate trap baited with avocado toast.
"I hear woke millennials just can't resist avocado toast," Musk was heard murmuring as he constructed the complex apparatus of the trap. "My vast knowledge of industry and technology has taught me that if I'm ever going to root out the source of censorship at Twitter, this is how I must do it."
Users had begun to raise concerns about instances of ongoing unfairness, leading to the belief that people with "woke" agendas still remained employed at the company. Fortunately, Musk's trap is specifically designed to catch hipster millennial tech employees. "It starts with turning a large crank," Musk explained. "It then involves a combination of elements, including a rolling marble, an old bathtub, and a figurine of a man diving into a small swimming pool before a string pulls out a stick propping up a wooden box that drops down onto the individual — or individuals — eating the avocado toast. It is, without question, my greatest invention."
At a cost of just shy of $6 billion, the trap is seen by Musk as a bargain. "If I spent $44 billion to buy the company, this is a small price to pay to weed out problem employees," he said.
At publishing time, no one had taken the bait as the toast wasn't gluten-free.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
