BOCA CHICA, TX — Witnesses claim the inaugural MMA training session for Twitter CEO Elon Musk began in confusion as UFC fighter Georges St-Pierre calmly explained to the world's richest man that no, mind-control flamethrower drones were not allowed in competitions.
With a potential cage fight between tech titans Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg on the horizon, Musk had reportedly come to his initial training session with bodyguards toting in a number of black duffel bags full of tech devices, only to learn toys such as his favorite napalm-spewing drones were not allowed.
Those close to the Tesla CEO say the awkward conversation continued.
"No drones at all? None?"
"Nope."
"How about vibranium electro-skin?"
"I'm sorry, no."
"Laser eyes?"
*shakes head*
"Pocket Earthquake™?"
"No, only motivation, momentum, and muscle."
Musk's eyes then lit up as he was seen reaching into a duffel bag and pulling out a hydraulic exoskeleton emblazoned with the words Mr. Muscle Exosuit Prototype by The Boring Company. Before he could put it on, the UFC trainer gently put his hand on Musk's shoulder and shook his head.
"What's the point of cage fights then?" yelled Musk in befuddled exasperation.
At publishing time, a disheartened Elon Musk had spent his first hour-long training session struggling to perform a single push-up.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
