Dylan Mulvaney Now Blackmailing Corporations By Threatening To Endorse Their Products
U.S. · Jun 8, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

U.S. — With corporations now having reservations about hiring Dylan Mulvaney as a spokesperson in the wake of backlash against Bud Light and Nike, the TikTok personality and trans activist has now begun blackmailing companies by threatening to publicly endorse their products.

"If you don't meet my demands, I'll endorse your product online," Mulvaney said staring threateningly into the camera in a chilling, grainy video sent to one company. "I'll post a full video across all social media platforms, tell everyone to buy your product, the whole works. My demands are simple: $10 million and a Louis Vuitton handbag. You have 24 hours."

The company, which requested to remain anonymous, immediately called an emergency board meeting to discuss its options for dealing with the threat. "We've all seen what happened to Bud Light," one board member said. "If we refuse to cave to these demands, Mulvaney will completely ruin us. We're really being held over a barrel here."

Multiple large corporations reported receiving the same video threat from Mulvaney, with several executives saying the situation was reminiscent of something a comic book villain would do. "I could've sworn this Mulvaney guy is just copying old Joker schemes," said an employee from one company. "Too bad we can't just call Batman and have this thing dealt with."

At publishing time, members of the public relations team at Bud Light were frantically calling media outlets to retroactively claim their endorsement by Mulvaney was, in reality, the result of a terrifying blackmail threat.

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