TONTITOWN, AR—In a surprising turn of events, the Duggar family discovered a kid they forgot they even had in the cushions of their living room couch Tuesday morning.
Jim Bob Duggar was looking for a pocket New Testament he'd misplaced during a family worship time the night before when he made the discovery.
"Oh, hello—uh, which one are you again?" Jim Bob asked the boy. "Wait, don't tell me—you're Jackson, right? Jeb? Job?" The boy merely responded with feral grunts and gestured toward a bowl of apples the family had on the coffee table. "Oh, you're hungry? Alright, let's get you something to eat."
The family patriarch then called his wife, Michelle, over to see if she could identify the child. She produced a large chart the family keeps on hand for identifying their children, but when he was nowhere to be found on the helpful visual aid, the horrified family realized he was a kid they had four years ago and misplaced in the couch cushions.
"The best we can tell, we had him three or four years ago and he just got lost in the shuffle somewhere along the line," a sheepish Jim Bob Duggar told reporters. "I'm always losing my car keys, my wallet, my kids. You know how it is! Classic, ditzy ol' Jim Bob."
The boy apparently subsisted on Goldfish crackers, cheese sticks, and juice boxes that got dropped in the cushions as he waited for rescue for several years. The family has decided to name him Jabba and will receive a book and television show deal covering the raising of the lost Duggar child.