DETROIT, MI — Following President Donald Trump's recent increases in tariffs on imported steel, auto manufacturers across the country announced plans to make all new cars with wood paneling.
According to a Tesla spokesperson, the high cost of steel made wood paneling a more economic option for manufacturers.
"Steel is just too expensive these days," said Michelle Nagy, who works for Tesla. "We'll still be putting out the same beautiful Cybertrucks everyone knows and loves — it's just that they'll now be sheathed with lovely oak and pine wood paneling. Also, they won't be bulletproof anymore."
According to a surprising new survey, consumers responded favorably to the changes. Most expressed support for the new wood paneling because it smells nice, feels good to touch, and adds a touch of class to otherwise boring cars like the Toyota Prius.
"I've been missing my Pontiac Acadian for the last five decades," said Bobby Allen, who had been holding out for a new car until manufacturers relented and made cars the way they used to. "I can't wait to get my new woodie Corvette."
At publishing time, congressional Democrats were reportedly working on legislation to stop the production of wood-paneled cars because sourcing wood involves cutting down trees.
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