BOULDER, CO — Federal Judge Gordon Gallagher issued an emergency ruling blocking the deportation of the terrorist Mohamed Soliman and ordering the Jewish people he burned to be set back on fire.
The ruling will require the elderly Jewish people recently released from burn wards to be gathered back together for Molotov cocktails to be chucked at them until all of them are once again ablaze.
"Soliman and his family have done nothing but stay here illegally and light Jews on fire. There is simply no cause for the Trump administration to seek their deportation," stated Gallagher in his ruling. "Furthermore, the government has no right to put out the flames set by Soliman that were burning Holocaust survivors alive. Such action is tantamount to burning an immigrant's hopes and dreams. Therefore, the Jews in question must be set back on fire, preferably with Soliman's homemade flamethrower contraption or with Molotovs, post haste."
At publishing time, David French had stopped by to explain to the again-burning Jewish people why Trump's deportations were so cruel.
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