KANSAS CITY, MO — To cope with increasing challenges resulting from rising food shortages around the globe, popular family restaurant chain Cheesecake Factory has decided to cut its menu down to a paltry 32 pages.
"The difficulty in sourcing some key ingredients has become an issue," said Cheesecake Factory spokesman Cody Faust. "In order to adapt to the evolving supply chain landscape, we've made the difficult decision to significantly pare down our normally voluminous menu."
Whereas the restaurant's menu was once an imposing tome boasting an encyclopedic catalog of available appetizers, entrees, specialties, and desserts, the new slim, trim, 32-page menu will substantially narrow diners' food choices. Though some customers may be disappointed to have a smaller selection, others expressed relief. "I think it'll actually be nice," said diner Jack Roberts. "I like to be able to choose what I want to eat without having to comb through multiple chapters of a Tolstoy-like album of options. For example, we now only have 472 different Glamburgers to choose from."
Eliminating large sections of the menu not only allows the restaurant to ensure all necessary ingredients can be kept in stock but also lets customers make their selections in a timely manner without having to study the menu for the entire day leading up to their meal as though it were a biology mid-term exam.
At publishing time, Cheesecake Factory was also believed to be in discussions to reduce the number of available cheesecake types to just 428, which would be a sizeable drop from their current variety of 3,720 different flavors of cheesecake.
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job: