WASHINGTON, DC— After causing an uproar for constantly extending how long masks will be required, Dr. Fauci has finally provided some much needed answers. In a recent interview, Dr. Fauci has once and for all explained that we will only need to wear cloth masks until humans evolve them.
“As soon as humans naturally evolve an organic nose and mouth covering at birth, then we can start dialing back on the mask mandates.” clarified Dr. Fauci. “This isn’t going to be some endless, arbitrary policy. We have clear, scientific measures informing us when masks are obsolete.”
“Well, that is a huge relief!” said Cathy Pittman. “We just have to trust the science and everything will be better in no time! I was starting to think the masks were going to become permanent parts of our lives!”
In a statement, Dr. Fauci gave his estimate for when he thinks that the evolved facemasks might become a reality. “We’re working with a purely scientific, definitive timetable now. We just need exactly, right at, about 2-5 millionish years, give or take, to probably evolve facemasks, for the most part.”
When pressed further, Dr. Fauci continued by saying, “I know that time will be here before you know it, but I don't think life should start returning to normal until humans are born with at least 2 naturally occurring face masks. So just another quick 5 million years!”