CLEVELAND, OH — A brilliant young doctor with the Cleveland Clinic's Long COVID Care Center has discovered a new cure for the debilitating chronic condition, which involves simply telling patients to stop faking it.
"Ms. Brown, I promise I'll have you cured in no time," said Dr. Gupta to one of his patients. "I know your chronic fatigue and knee pain that were most definitely caused by your COVID diagnosis 3 years ago have made it difficult for you to go to work, so we're going to fix that right now."
"Stop faking it!"
"Wow, I never thought about it that way," said Ms. Brown. "Thanks, Doctor! I suddenly feel like myself again! Yippee!"
Early reports claim Dr. Gupta has treated over 1,200 long-COVID patients in this manner with 98% success. Hospitals from around the world are reportedly sending researchers and physicians to study this cutting-edge method.
At publishing time, Dr. Gupta had been fired by Cleveland Clinic for trying unproven treatments that didn't involve at least one Pfizer product.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.