BURBANK, CA—Immediately upon uncovering controversial statements made by the Mad Titan, Disney fired genocidal maniac Thanos, pulling the intergalactic aggressor from all future films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
The Marvel villain reportedly made statements in support of killing billions of people amidst deranged, deluded rants about fate, destiny, and balance. One old comment he posted on his Twitter account read, “I know what it’s like to lose. To feel so desperately that you’re right, yet to fail nonetheless. It’s frightening, turns the legs to jelly. I ask you to what end? Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same.”
Another haunting, maniacal rant on an internet message board read, “With all the six stones, I could simply snap my fingers, and they would all cease to exist. I call that… mercy… [I’ll] finally rest, and watch the sunrise on an ungrateful universe. The hardest choices require the strongest wills.”
“We know that people grow and change, but frankly we’re a little troubled by his comments about slaughtering half the life in the universe,” a Disney rep said. “Considering his controversial views on population control, the Walt Disney Company cannot continue to support Thanos in his current role.”
“We hope that he gets the help he needs to move forward with his career and his life.”
The company is reportedly working on replacing the villain with a “much safer choice,” Sofia the First.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.