COLUMBUS, OH - A Joe Biden campaign stop that began with the former vice president speaking with all the grace and class he is usually known for ended in disaster after the presidential candidate accidentally smudged a note on his hand reading, "You are Joe Biden and you are running for president."
The speech started out well but quickly derailed after Biden greeted the crowd and then looked down at his reminder message scrawled in marker on the back of his hand. It was all smudged, possibly by his sweat and also when he was rubbing women's shoulders in the crowd before the speech.
"Uh-oh," he muttered. "I'm, uh... I'm Joe... Montana? No, that can't be right. Joe Billingsworth? Mmm... that doesn't sound right." Biden frantically gestured toward an aide standing nearby to help him out, but the aide turned out to be a microphone stand, so he didn't receive much help there.
"Yes, so, anyway, the thing, I'm Joe or George or somebody, you know, the thing, and I'm running for... the pope? I don't think you vote for popes? Or is it kings you don't vote for? Huh?" Clearly agitated, Biden then began to lash out at a heckler, saying, "I'll beat the daylights out of you. Me, you, 50 pushups, go." Biden started doing the pushups but got winded after one and a half, though he still beat the protester because he turned out, once again, to be a microphone stand.
Handlers scrambled to correct the issue by rushing Biden off the stage before any more damage could be done. "He's only supposed to be up there for seven seconds, tops. It's just his stammer from his childhood that sometimes makes him forget what planet he lives on and what year it is."
The New York Times quickly praised Biden as "poised" and "full of grace and quiet dignity."