Devout Christian Sets Aside Few Minutes To Think About Reading His Bible

BOISE, ID—A new report has indicated that local devout Christian man Brian Metford took a few minutes out of his busy morning schedule to think about reading his Bible this morning.

The man was proud to report he’d “strongly considered” reading his Bible for several minutes before deciding to do something else.

“It’s important to think about reading your Bible every day,” Metford said. “Especially when the busyness of your everyday schedule threatens to take away those precious few minutes with God. You have to make it a habit to stop whatever you’re doing every morning and think about possibly picking up your Bible and reading it.”

Metford never actually reads his Bible, but he’s still a strong proponent of Christians considering reading their Bibles before doing something with more “immediate gratification,” like binge-watching The Office on Netflix again, logging onto Steam for a few hours of Counter-Strike, or just staring at the ceiling thinking about how bored they are.

He encourages his fellow Christians to make thinking about reading their Bibles the first thing they do in the day, before they reject the idea out of hand in order to browse Facebook and Twitter for an hour or two on their smartphones.

“How can we say we follow Christ if we don’t love the thought of reading His Word?—in a totally theoretical sense of course.”

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