WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a devious move of political genius, Democratic senators invited a child actor to play Tiny Tim from Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol and pull on the heartstrings of viewers. They then stood the little boy up beside them and said, "Amy Coney Barrett wants to take away this little boy's healthcare!"
Dressed like an orphan from Victorian England with crutches, cap, and soot-covered face, the boy elicited "awwws" and sobs throughout the room as he limped into the room.
"Do you need to see any more?" shouted Senator Cory Booker. "This monster wants to steal this little orphan boy's healthcare away and make him live on the street! I will stand here like Spartacus and defend this poor little boy to the death. TO THE DEATH!"
Senator Amy Klobuchar also went on the attack, saying "Look at this sweet little child actor's face! His face represents the millions of poor crippled orphans who are watching this hearing right now as we speak! Amy Coney Barrett, are you willing to look this child in the face and tell him you are going to take his Obamacare away?"
"Um, well, all I can tell you is that I will follow the law. Because, you know, I'm a judge," said Barrett for the 287th time.
As the hearings concluded for the day, ACB picked up the little boy and brought him home to adopt him.