U.S. — Democrats announced a brand new political strategy Monday to boost President Biden's poll numbers by calling Donald J. Trump "Hitler" again.
"Trump has been called 'Hitler' thousands of times, but we must do it at least several more times to win this election," said Senator Chuck Schumer. "We're pretty sure this tried and true strategy will work this time."
AOC was seen rubbing her hands gleefully together while laughing maniacally as Schumer continued speaking.
American journalists responded quickly, publishing incredibly damning photos of Trump sporting a Hitler mustache to inform the American public of the disturbing truth — that Trump is literally Hitler. Per CNN, Hitler Is Literally Running For President. Per MSNBC, Trump? More Like Hitler! (I Mean Look At Him). Even Fox News got in on the fun with a headline that reads, How Trump Can Save America By Becoming Hitler.
Early reports suggest the new plan is already working. Biden's numbers are reportedly soaring among Democratic voters and undocumented migrants. Republican leaders have blasted the tactic, calling it "appalling," but have resolved to do nothing on the matter.
Sean Hannity blasted the Republican base for not coming up with an evil historical figure to compare Biden to. "We could be calling him Stalin or something. Stalin even went by Uncle Joe! It's right there, people!"
At publishing time, Democrats announced they would call Trump's eventual running mate "Also Literally Hitler."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
