WASHINGTON D.C. — Panic erupted today at a press conference when President Biden turned an alarming shade of blue after handlers accidentally left out the "remember to breathe" card from his instruction packet.
After quickly expelling all the air from his lungs in a rambling and incomprehensible sentence, The President was left with no air in his lungs as he stood frozen, flipping back and forth between his "blink" and "don't poop your pants" notecards, where the "remember to breathe" card should have been.
"It's really a pretty normal thing," said an anonymous White House staffer. "I'm pretty sure every president has cards telling him to breathe and what to do minute-by-minute for every event. There's really nothing to see here."
Luckily, aides snapped to action to shut down the press conference and whisk Biden away so Dr. Jill could tell him to breathe before he passed out. Upon investigation, the missing notecard was located on the coffee table in the Oval Office next to some lines of white powder. The White House said they are currently looking for a black staffer to fire for the mixup.
At publishing time, Joe Biden was reported to be in stable condition and had returned to his more recent shade of orange. Karine Jean-Pierre said the White House was overall very pleased with the press conference and noted that, at 19 seconds, it was one of the longest Biden had given in months.
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