Democrats Wearing Binkies To Wean Themselves Off Masks
Health

U.S.—With the CDC finally relaxing some guidelines around mask-wearing, Democrats are facing the dread of parting with something that has been giving them feelings of safety and security for over a year. To help them cope with the loss, many Democrats are turning to baby pacifiers to help wean them off the masks. 

"The binky is a perfect bridge toward a maskless future," said one Democrat. He then quickly popped the rubber nipple back in his mouth for a few minutes before continuing. "I think it's important to be open and vulnerable about the trauma we have all experienced in the last year." He then grabbed his blanket and teddy bear and went down for a nap.

Dr. Fauci has endorsed the use of binkies for vaccinated Democrats, but he's still suggesting a mask be worn over them at all times.

In his nightly segment, Sean Hannity ridiculed Democrats for being such big babies. "We live in a nation of sissified man babies," he said before taking a quick hit from his vape pen. 

There are 121 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.