U.S. — Following last night's debate in which David Muir and Linsey Davis employed an impressive strategy against former President Donald Trump, news broke that Democrats have decided to replace Kamala Harris on the ballot with the ABC moderators.
Discussions began almost immediately after the debate to replace the Harris-Walz ticket with Muir-Davis based entirely on the moderators' ability to articulate Harris' positions and attack Trump better than she ever has.
"They really got her strongest points across," said one top Democratic Party official. "We loved the way they fought back against any facts Trump was presenting. They've mastered the art of twisting reality and playing fast and loose with truth, which is exactly what we look for in our candidates. It was staring us right in the face. We talked it over and figured, why not just go with them instead?'"
Muir and Davis were surprised but humbled by the news. "It will be an honor to serve," Muir said in a brief statement. "We have always done our very best to advance the cause of the Democratic Party, and now that we're being called upon to run for election, we would be shirking our responsibility as journalists not to answer the call. As members of the press, we always know what's best for all Americans. We can't wait to get into the White House."
At publishing time, Muir and Davis released a statement that they were looking forward to their next debate against Trump, which they would moderate themselves.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
