WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats have called on President Donald J. Trump to stand down and immediately stop fanning the flames of peace.
"Never have we seen a president more recklessly stoke the devastating flames of no war," Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said. "Now there's peace in the Middle East? What's next? Russia and Ukraine? It's appalling."
This year alone, Trump mediated a ceasefire between India and Pakistan, facilitated an agreement between Rwanda and Congo, brokered a ceasefire between Israel and Iran, prevented a water war between Egypt and Ethiopia, used the power of trade to end clashes between Thailand and Cambodia, oversaw the Armenia-Azerbaijan Peace Accord, and, most recently, ended the war between Israel and Hamas-led Gaza. But enough is enough, say Democrats.
"If he solves all the world's problems, we'll have nothing left to do but look at our terrible budget," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Nothing would bring me greater pain. Doesn't he care about me?"
"He can't keep getting away with it!" Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said. "He's supposed to be Hitler. I built my entire identity and sense of well-being around it. If he destroys that, I'll cease to exist! I'll, oh no, it's happening — "
The president is reportedly confused by the strong reaction of Democrats to his championing of world peace. "Everyone wishes for world peace. You find a genie, and it's the first thing you wish for. Then you have two more wishes so you can get other things to go with the world peace, like hot women and tacos," Trump said. "That's what I wished for with my genie. Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to tell you about that."
At publishing time, President Trump offended Democrats further by vowing to negotiate peace between Democrats and Republicans.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
