U.S. — According to sources, federal employees are eager for the government shutdown to end so they can go back to work and get some real rest.
"Vacation is nice, but I'm always tired at the end of it and feel like I need a vacation from my vacation, you know?" said Dan Patrick, an auditor for the IRS. "I miss sleeping in my cubicle while doing nothing of note for the American people and collecting a big fat check."
According to sources, all but the most essential federal employees have been sent home without pay as a result of the government shutdown, which means they're now living in an environment where people expect something from them.
"It's such hard work being with my family," admitted federal employee Henry Nameth. "How can people stand doing useful and helpful things all the time? This doesn't feel right."
"I'm a non-essential employee, which means I don't really do anything," said Dr. William Zu, a planetary protection officer for NASA. "My job is to protect the earth from alien microbes, which haven't been discovered yet, so it's a sweet gig. I get to take naps and watch movies all day. Oh, and the paycheck is nice."
At publishing time, Democrats once again voted to keep the government shutdown, causing furloughed workers to finally abandon the party.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
