Democrats Demand Republicans Pay Them Reparations For Freeing Their Slaves

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats in Washington are demanding reparations from the Republican Party for the massive financial losses of Democrats following the emancipation of the slaves.

"It's been many years, and still, this grave injustice has not been corrected," said Chuck Schumer in a joint press conference with Nancy Pelosi. "Our Democrat ancestors faced decades of financial ruin after the Republicans came in and freed all their slaves. Extremely unfair. It must be corrected now." 

Detractors of the proposed reparations plan insist that Democrats and Republicans held a secret meeting in the '60s and decided to switch positions on slavery and racism, and are arguing it may be hard to track down who should pay reparations and who shouldn't.

"This isn't complicated," said Pelosi. "Republicans must pay. Yeah, slavery is bad and all that, but Republicans must face justice and pay reparations."

According to sources, reparations paid by Republicans to Democrats will then be paid as reparations to black-owned organizations to atone for the sin of slavery, which will then be sent back to the democrat party to assist in reelection campaigns.  

Babylon Bee subscriber James Huggett contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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