WASHINGTON, D.C. - Democrats in Washington have declared that our democratic republic has failed because they did not get their way one single time, despite dozens and dozens of legislative and electoral victories over the past year.

"We did not get 100% of what we wanted; therefore, democracy has failed," said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi during a press conference Wednesday. "Democracy only works when the voice of the people is heard - that is, the voice of the people who agree with Democrats. When our massive, radical, previously unthinkable spending packages do not pass with the full-throated support of every legislator and American citizen in the country, we know that democracy is not working the way it is supposed to."

"Get in line, people. Come on. It's what the Founding Non-Birthing People would have wanted."

At publishing time, Democrats had begun calling for a dictatorship so they could always ensure that they will get their way and thus preserve democracy.