Dejected John Piper Unable To Find Hyphen Scrabble Tile

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Pastor and author John Piper was reportedly crushed to find himself unable to draw any tiles depicting a hyphen during a recent, intense Scrabble match with his wife Noel, sources confirmed Friday.

A crestfallen Piper was totally unable to score a single word during the duel of words and wits, seeing the match go to his wife in a historic defeat with a final score of 3748 to 0.

“I could play off Noel’s ‘centered’ word there in the middle and get a double word bonus with ‘Christ-centered,’ ‘gospel-centered,’ or ‘cross-centered,’ but—geez, no hyphens again,” Piper reportedly muttered as he took a tenth turn in a row to exchange letters with the bag, hunting for that elusive hyphen tile.

According to witnesses, Piper grew increasingly frustrated as golden opportunities to play words like “soul-satisfying,” “Bible-saturated,” “missions-minded,” and “justice-oriented” passed him by turn after turn as he defied the odds by never once drawing a lucrative hyphen tile from the couple’s well-worn Scrabble bag.

After Noel played her final word—”quixotry” across two triple word score squares for 365 points—the couple reportedly shook hands as Piper bemoaned the fact that he just cannot seem to win at Scrabble, before adding “at least I’ve never lost a game of Charades.”

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