TULSA, OK - Local dad Jasper McTubbins called it a day as far as parenting responsibilities were concerned after he paused for a moment from polishing his golf clubs in the garage so he could yell, "Listen to your mother!" at the kids.
"Thanks, dear," replied his wife, Angela, as she simultaneously cooked a three-course meal, helped the twins with their algebra, bathed the toddler, and practiced hymns on the piano in preparation for Sunday's church service. "Any chance you got the lawnmower working out there?"
"Um, ya, getting there," said Jasper as he stared down the graphite shaft of his pitching wedge, hoping to see it bent so he could explain to his buddies why his short game was off lately.
At publishing time, Jasper went the extra mile by yelling "listen to your mother!" again, except a little louder this time.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
