Church
Congregation Invited To Stand For Seventh-Sermon-Point Stretch

ANAHEIM, CA—According to sources present at Scioscia Ave Baptist Church last Sunday, the congregation was invited to stand when the pastor had gotten midway through his seventh sermon point, so they could participate in the traditional seventh-sermon-point stretch.

The favorite Christian pastime allows churchgoers to stand up, stretch their legs a little, and sing a fun song so they can be more alert and power through the last two-and-a-half sermon points.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the pastor is halfway through the seventh sermon point, and you know what that means: let’s all stand and sing, ‘Take Me Out To The Back Pew!'” the church’s announcer said before the organist began warming up to the hymn. “Ohhh, take me out to the back pew, take me out to the chuuuuurch!”

The song continued as the congregation swayed cheerfully, singing along with the tune and peppy organ number. Churchgoers were then offered non-alcoholic beverages, cracker jacks, and peanuts by several roaming food vendors before everyone settled back in and the service continued, with a star relief preacher coming out to close out the service.

At publishing time, sources had also been able to confirm that several families darted for the parking lot during the seventh-sermon-point stretch in order to beat the rush, stating that they would “catch the rest of the service on the radio on the way to Denny’s.”

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