Politics
Colorado Baker Faces Long Line Of People Outside Waiting To Be Oppressed

LAKEWOOD, CO—“I’m going to sue you!” shouted another customer at Masterpiece Cakeshop.

“Get in line,” Jack Phillips replied. It wasn’t merely an expression, though. There was now a long line of people waiting to be oppressed by Phillips -- most having traveled many, many miles -- and this one customer hadn’t properly waited his turn and needed to go to the end of the line.

“I’m just getting a little tired of so many people coming here just so I can refuse to make them cakes,” Phillips explained to reporters. “I now have two lines: one for people who want me to oppress them and one for people who actually want cakes.”

“I’d like a cake celebrating my gender transition,” said one person from the oppression line.

“No,” replied Phillips.

“I’m being discriminated against!” yelled the customer, trying to sound angry but not quite hiding a smile. “Discriminated!”

Phillips then went to the cake line. “And what would you like?”

“I want a cake celebrating Satan’s birthday,” said the new customer.

“Do you really want that, or do you just want to say I oppressed you?” Phillips asked.

The customer stared at his feet. “Yeah. I just want to be discriminated against.”

“You have to go to the other line,” Phillips said.

Phillips had another busy day, but in the end, all his customers were satisfied, those who wanted cakes receiving beautiful cakes and those who wanted to get discriminated against getting discriminated against. Philips is now considering opening another branch just to not make people cakes, as he is apparently the only cakeshop in the country that does that, and it’s in high demand.

There are 98 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.