It's not very often you see a life-changing cultural event - for me, it's only about once a week - but the show Cocomelon has affected me to the very core of my being.

Here before us is an absolute masterpiece of the arts, a thrilling combination of both style (bright colors, fun songs) and substance (lessons about sharing and brushing your teeth). Whenever J.J. is on screen (probably the most relatable protagonist I've ever witnessed) and singing songs with his siblings, friends, parents, and the occasional talking animal, I'm rapt with attention. So much so that I will lash out with anger if anyone perturbs me.

And each episode is a roller coaster of emotion. Will J.J. eat his vegetables? Will J.J. enjoy his car ride? What funny face will J.J. make in the funny face game? That drama combined with fun songs is almost overstimulating. Cocomelon has overtaken almost all of my thoughts. It's that good.

Now, compare this to the tripe I see my parents watch. Muted colors. People just standing around talking to each other. No singing. No talking animals. Absolute braindead programming by people without an ounce of creativity. Whenever I see them put on one of their mindless programs, I immediately try to grab the remote and instead put on Cocomelon. I don't quite understand how the remote works, but things happen if I push the buttons. I must save my parents from the boredom they inflict on us all.

I give Cocomelon three stars, three being the highest number I can currently count to. I've watched every episode ten times, and I plan on watching them ten more. In fact, I want someone to turn it on right now, or I shall be forced to start screaming.