CNN Welcomes Andrew Cuomo As Replacement For Chris Cuomo
U.S. · Dec 1, 2021 ·

ATLANTA, GA - CNN wasted no time choosing a replacement for the disgraced evening news personality Chris Cuomo, welcoming former New York governor, Andrew Cuomo.

"The decision was simple," said CNN's Director of Creep Relations, Bob Writhe, "Andrew Cuomo is loved by journalists and news outlets, addicted to the primetime spotlight, a bastion of hypocrisy, and comes with an impressive list of disturbing allegations against him; he'll fit right in at CNN."

The rapid hiring of Andrew Cuomo was not without controversy, however. Sources say other CNN hosts Don Lemon and Jeffrey Toobin expressed jealousy at Cuomo's immediate receipt of an evening news show - when they had spent years rising up the ranks through disgusting, putrid acts of depravity and degeneracy before getting top spots at CNN.

Jeffrey Toobin could not be reached over Zoom for comment as no reporters were willing to call him over Zoom. 

Babylon Bee subscriber David Deeble contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.