U.S. — CNN announced today that in a shocking incident, former President Trump clumsily hit his head on a bullet, causing an unfortunate disturbance at a Pennsylvania rally.

"What a klutz, that Trump! Probably worse then Biden," said Anderson Cooper. "Look at all that blood from smacking his face on a bullet. Boy, I bet he feels sheepish."

CNN reported Trump smacked his ear on the harmless bullet at incredible velocity, causing a loud sound like a gunshot. "The helpless little bullet never saw it coming," announced Cooper. "Trump then fell over, forcing several Secret Service agents to dive on top of him to cover for his stumble. An embarrassing day all around."

At publishing time, CNN had updated its report to announce that a person was attacked by Secret Service as a "shooter" in a vain attempt to cover for Trump's clumsiness.

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