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Church Visitor Boldly Sits In Front Pew

WAKEFIELD, FL—Shocking those in attendance at First Baptist Church of Wakefield Sunday, first-time church visitor Mark Nelson shook hands with the greeters, grabbed a cup of coffee, and waltzed right on up to sit in the middle of the front pew on the right side of the sanctuary, sources confirmed Monday.

The pew has reportedly not been utilized in the entirety of the church’s fifty-eight-year existence.

“People have no shame anymore,” longtime church member Ruth Netter was overheard whispering to her grandson near the back of the church. “In my day, you had to work yourself up to front pew status—and I’m not even there yet. I know my place.” Netter attempted to stare Nelson down with a judgmental look to the back of his head throughout the service, but the audacious visitor continued to sit up front, enjoying the proceedings for the duration of the service.

Sources also confirmed that Nelson laughed loudly at the pastor’s humorous illustrations, and even offered a hearty “amen” as if he owned the place.

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