RIVERSIDE COUNTY, CA—Touting the price as the lowest ever offered by the organization in its 63-year history, the Church of Scientology announced that it was slashing its initial membership fee to an unheard of $300,000 for Cyber Monday only.
“This is a perfect opportunity for less wealthy people to become part of our organization,” a Scientology rep told reporters. “Assuming they successfully make it through the initial worldview recalibrations, sensory deprivation exercises, deep mind and body probes, medicine and chemical detox, we are happy to welcome any healthy, mentally pliable human for the insanely low price of $300,000.”
“You better act quick!” he added.
“However, all payments are non-refundable, and should any new recruit prove unacceptable for any reason, we will make them disappear forever, as per our usual process.”
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.