LITTLE ROCK, AR—Local believer Randy Bedford is loudly telling everyone around him how little he cares about the upcoming Super Bowl, sources confirmed.
“Oh, is that this weekend? I wouldn’t know. I don’t follow secular sports. I’m busy with spiritual things,” the man said obnoxiously as a friend asked him if he was going to his church’s Super Bowl party after the service, according to witnesses.
“Here’s the thing about sports—if those guys who paint their whole bodies with their team colors just cared that much about Jesus, the world would be such a better place,” added Bedford, continuing to annoy everyone around him. “If you need me during the Super Bowl, I’ll be reading my Bible.”
Bedford reportedly makes it a point to ensure everyone he comes into contact with knows just how much he doesn’t care about the event, as well as sports in general. When he heard one passerby at his local Starbucks calling Tom Brady the “greatest of all time,” Bedford was ready to jump into action.
“Who? Tim Brady? Was he on the Brady Bunch?” he asked so everyone in the small coffee shop could hear him, feigning ignorance. “Anyway, he’s definitely not the greatest of all time—that title belongs to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,” he added.
At publishing time, Bedford had loaded up his Facebook feed for a long weekend of commenting on every post about the Super Bowl to inform everyone how much he didn’t care about the event.