U.S. — The political world is reeling this afternoon after Republican favorite and frontrunner Chris Christie announced he will be suspending his campaign to run for president. The beloved conservative populist cited his desire to spend more time with his family-sized 12-piece chicken meal from KFC.
"I know Americans were dying to vote for me," said the former primary candidate, "but I can't continue to neglect my beloved family-sized 12-piece chicken meal from KFC. I need to get my priorities back where they need to be. I ask that you give me and my family-sized 12-piece chicken meal from KFC our privacy at this time."
The beloved former governor and folk hero then got into his large SUV with his family-sized 12-piece chicken meal from KFC and closed the tinted windows for privacy.
At publishing time, Christie had also been seen spending quality time with his family-sized box of Oreos from Costco.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
