BLUE SPRINGS, MO — A local father has run into a problem familiar to other dads across the country, as by the time he had finished installing a new car seat for his young child, the child had already outgrown it.
"It's the darndest thing," Clayton Rookstool said, shaking his head. "We got a new car seat for our son, Moses, but it turns out he had a growth spurt right during the three and a half hours I was installing it in the car. Unreal. I guess it's back to square one!"
The Rookstools' young son, though still a toddler, has already mastered the common toddler trait of growing out of everything within a few hours, including clothes, shoes, and everything else. "It's like he's part Hulk or something," said the mother, Moyenna Rookstool. "I'll put a pair of socks on him in the morning, and by lunch, his toes have already ripped through them. At this rate, we'll have an entire basement of unusable car seats and clothes by the time summer rolls around. How do people afford this?"
Child car seat manufacturers, looking to capitalize on this common trend, are now specially designing car seat straps to allow no room for a child's growth whatsoever. "It's a genius new design," said car seat designer Graham Walker. "As soon as the child eats a large meal, the parents are forced to buy a new car seat. Really innovative stuff!"
At publishing time, as his wife prepared to order a new car seat on Amazon, Clayton Rookstool was brainstorming new methods, including just tying his son to the roof rack.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
