WASHINGTON, D.C. — Canada is reeling after Trump upped the ante in the trade war by slapping America's northern neighbor with a new tariff of "double infinity plus one."
International trade experts say this is the strongest tariff ever imposed on a foreign nation.
"These tariffs are strong, very strong, frankly, maybe the strongest ever," said Trump to reporters. "There is no number higher than double infinity. But then I added a 'plus one' to make it even higher, which no one has ever done. This will inflict more pain and suffering on Canada than ever before, which they totally deserve, for taking advantage of our big, beautiful country."
Sources within the administration confirmed that Trump is also considering adding a "no takebacks" clause and a "I'm rubber, you're glue" provision should Canada refuse to back down.
"We're in uncharted waters here," said one economist. "Double infinity plus one tariffs could completely wipe out Canada's economy. Civilization could be wiped out, leading to mass genocide and world war. We must pray that Trump doesn't increase these tariffs to 'double infinity plus infinity.' If that happens, God help us all."
At publishing time, Canadians had responded to the tariffs by apologizing.
Under a new presidential order, posting in support of Ukraine will automatically draft you into the military.
