CUPERTINO, CA — Feeling despondent over low sales numbers and the financial losses that come with them, Apple CEO Tim Cook strapped on a set of Apple Vision Pro goggles to view an alternate reality in which people buy Apple Vision Pro goggles.
The global tech giant's venture into virtual reality was met with lukewarm public interest, leaving Cook to escape this world and use the company's invention to enter an alternate universe in which the goggles had set sales records and altered the course of human beings' day-to-day lives.
"Ah, yes, such a beautiful and wondrous world!" Cook gasped as he fired up his Apple Vision Pro. "Look at all the people wearing Apple Vision goggles! It's amazing! They're everywhere! Everywhere, I tell you! This is the world I want to live in. A better world. A brighter world. A world with Apple Vision Pro on every face!"
Apple employees who witnessed Cook immersing himself in an alternate reality reported seeing tears trickling down his cheeks from under the goggles. "He was captivated," said one worker. "It was obvious that he was overcome with how wonderful everything could be if people actually, you know, bought the product. Unfortunately, it will only ever be a fantasy."
Cook later recounted his experience. "Some worlds are too extraordinary to exist," he said. "I will return there as often as I can. It's my Heaven."
At publishing time, sales within Cook's alternate reality had reportedly taken a turn for the worse after the virtual customers learned they would have to buy a new charger with a different connector.
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