UNITED STATES — A celebrity was recently praised by conservatives for a handful of seconds for bravely criticizing woke idealogues just moments before groveling in apologetic humility at their feet.
During a podcast interview, the celebrity lit up the woke Left by suggesting there may be some dangers to trans ideologies just seconds before issuing a formal apology and promising to never anger the mob again. The formal apology is copied below:
After much reflection, I'd like to express my deepest apologies to anyone I may have hurt with the comments I made 47 seconds ago. I've always been an advocate for inclusivity except for just a minute ago when I said the opposite. I now understand how my comment saying maybe we shouldn't lop off the genitals of confused children could be interpreted as insensitive and offensive. Because I said a single sentence just a minute ago that went against the current narrative, I will better educate myself by submitting my body and soul to the woke gulag for an undetermined amount of time until I am physically unable to say any phrase other than "Trans women are women."
At publishing time, the woke mob had lovingly accepted the celebrity's apology just before quartering his body and spreading the parts far and wide as a lesson to others.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
