ATLANTA, GA—CDC officials have released official guidelines and recommendations for activity during the pandemic. At the top of the list is a request for people to stop giving them wedgies every time they pass them on the street.
"You all need to stop this immature behavior right now!" said CDC official Mortimer Herbie Jr. as he adjusted his glasses and retainer. "Also, stop shoving us in lockers and giving us swirlies and grabbing us by our ankles and shaking us upside down until our lunch money falls out! This is NOT cool you guys!"
According to sources, the CDC is a group of nerds and dweebs who create guidelines on how to do lame things like mask-wearing and social distancing. Experts say they are so nerdy and dweeby that people just can't resist grabbing their underwear and stretching it up over their heads whenever they see them.
The CDC has warned that if this behavior doesn't stop, they will issue an official recommendation for everyone to get vaccinated again.