BOSTON, MA — Local couple Mark and Kathrine McGillis learned this week they are being excommunicated from the Catholic church for only having five kids.
"I thought we'd done our part," Mark commented. "I mean, we'd like more kids but Kathrine just had little Dillon just a few months ago and there's only so fast you can make these guys. I'm devastated to learn we're being excommunicated. I love the church! But I understand. The Millers just had their eighth baby. They're so righteous."
The McGillis family admits they did wait a few years to start their family but insists they used doctrinally-approved methods. "Kathrine just timed things out. I guess we could have squeezed two in while I was in grad school but we were so young and oh, well. Live and learn."
As of publishing time, sources close to the family say they were seen trying to trick their priest into thinking they had more kids by placing three or four dummies in the backseat of their minivan to make their family look bigger.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
