OTTAWA, CANADA — Mecha Hitler received a standing ovation at Canada's House of Commons last week in recognition of his hard work fighting the Soviets while overseeing experiments at Castle Wolfenstein. Mecha Hitler idly spun the barrels of his quad chainguns as he told members of parliament, "Die Welt ist unser!"
"Mecha Hitler is a WWII veteran and that means he deserves our respect," Trudeau said as he led parliament in applause. "He's done so much for the world."
Also in attendance was Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy who reportedly asked the mechanized monstrosity where he could get his own cool mech suit. "Maybe I should ask the Americans for one, then we could be mech buddies!"
Following the ceremony, as the armored Hitler was wheeled off the parliament floor by a group of Nazi scientists, Zelenskyy added, "I wouldn't be the man I am today without Mecha Hitler." He then raised his fist in solidarity with the notorious war criminal.
Among Mecha Hitler's achievements, he commanded German forces in a mighty Blitzkrieg across Europe and murdered 6 million Jews. But this all happened during WWII, which makes him a veteran. So it's okay.
At publishing time, Mecha Hitler was tragically killed when American spy B.J. Blazkowicz stormed the former's home and fragged him with a rocket launcher. "Eva, auf wiedersehen!" cried Mecha Hitler as his life left him.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
