OTTAWA, CANADA — In response to growing threats, Canada is pushing back against the Palestinian terror networks by employing a clever counter-terrorism strategy of giving terrorists whatever they want.
"You want us to recognize the state of Palestine? You got it!" Prime Minister Mark Carney said in a statement. "Our bold plan to capitulate to Hamas will certainly bring about lasting world peace at any moment."
Carney's statement continued, "We have long supported a two-state solution for lasting peace, even though the Palestinians clearly don't want that. It seems to me that if we just pretend there is no Israel and that Palestine is the greatest country in the world, the problem will just fix itself."
Canada's Minister of Foreign Affairs, Anita Anand, echoed Carney's sentiment. "We'll give you whatever you want! Please don't blow us up!" she said.
Canada joined with Portugal, Australia, and the UK in recognizing the Palestinian state so that terrorists will leave them alone. "With this act, I hereby save the UK," said English Prime Minister Keir Starmer.
At publishing time, the Canadian parliament had signed a resolution to send all its maple syrup to Gaza.
Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?
