SUNRISE, FL — Residents of The Great White North exploded into celebration once again last night, as Canada continued its time-honored tradition of being worse than the United States at everything.
The latest installment of the 158-year tradition came Tuesday night, as the Edmonton Oilers once again lost in the NHL Stanley Cup Finals to the Florida Panthers, once again solidifying Canada's status as being inferior to the U.S. in every way.
"We weren't sure if we could get crushed by a team whose state doesn't even have ice, but we did it!" said Edmonton center Connor McDavid. "It looked touch and go for a while, there, going to a sixth game in the series. We came pretty close to disappointing everyone by winning it all, but thankfully, we were able to hold on and continue the tradition. This is what Canada is all aboot."
Following the loss, the team received a congratulatory message from Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney. "I wanted to extend my gratitude to the Oilers for upholding our nation's longest and most well-known tradition," Carney said. "Someday, hopefully long, long in the future, there may come a day when Canada is better at something than the United States. But that day is not today. Today, we celebrate that our proud streak remains intact. So, raise a Molson Ice and eat a bowl of poutine, Canadians. The Edmonton Oilers have shown the world once again where Canada belongs: behind the U.S."
At publishing time, the Toronto Blue Jays had pledged to double the number of games back they were in the American League East to ensure that they would do their part to uphold the Canadian tradition.
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