Caitlin Clark Canonized As Saint After Performing Miracle Of Making Women's Basketball Watchable
Sports · Apr 2, 2024 ·

ALBANY, NY — Thousands of fans in attendance and millions of television viewers were witnesses to history, as Caitlin Clark was canonized as a saint after performing the miracle of making women's basketball watchable.

The unprecedented feat of making people enjoy watching women's basketball, which left the world in awe due to its magnitude and resulted in a rare case of a person being canonized as a saint while still alive, was long thought to be impossible in our world before the University of Iowa standout exhibited supernatural powers.

"This fits every criteria of being a miracle," said a representative of the Vatican. "It is highly unusual for His Holiness to consider canonizing a living person, but once we were notified that Caitlin Clark had made women's basketball watchable, he had little choice in the matter. Have you ever sat through an entire women's basketball game before? Of course not. No one has. This can only be seen as an act of God."

Fans in attendance at the Iowa-LSU game knew they had been a part of a miraculous event. "It was as though the heavens opened," said Barry Poppen. "I've made several attempts during my life to watch women's basketball, but I've never been able to do it. I thought it could never be done. Then I saw Caitlin Clark play. It was like scales fell from my eyes so I could watch the game. Praise the Lord!"

At publishing time, the Catholic Church was reportedly in the process of officially naming Caitlin Clark the Matron Saint of Unwatchable Sports.

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