NEW YORK, NY — Over the weekend, Dr. Robert Bruce Banner shared a little insight into how he was able to maintain some semblance of control over his transformation into the Incredible Hulk by confirming a deep, personal secret: he's always angry at the Jews.
Members of the Avengers reportedly questioned Dr. Banner's ability to keep the Hulk in check. Iron Man, in particular, expressed surprise that the stress of their mission was not causing him to transform prematurely. But his secret for keeping the Hulk under his control was finally revealed when, during a fierce battle, Captain America told him, "Now might be a good time to get angry."
"That's my secret," Dr. Banner replied, "I'm always angry at the Jews."
After saying those words, Dr. Banner instantly transformed into the powerful Incredible Hulk and stopped a massive Chitauri Leviathan in its tracks. The powerful display, however, was undercut by Captain America's strong reaction.
Captain America said, "Whoa, why do you hate the Jews — oh, he transformed already."
Iron Man later said, "So that's why he hates bagels. Which is sad, really. I love a good New York bagel."
Though famously reserved, Dr. Banner did publicly express strong support for Palestine in the past. However, the other Avengers assumed his point of view was largely motivated by a generic liberal anti-war stance, not that he was actually angry with the Jewish people.
According to Hawkeye, this new revelation into Dr. Banner's private thoughts explained a lot. "Last time I saw him turn into the big green guy was when he was talking to Scarlet Witch. She's Jewish."
At publishing time, after transforming back into his human form, Dr. Bruce Banner denied ever saying he was angry at the Jews. "I meant Israel. I'm always angry at Israel," he said. "It's totally different."
The Babylon Bee finally exposes everything about the Jews in this documentary of hard-hitting investigative journalism.
