Politics
Remaining Liberal Justices Given Pink Slips As Trump Reduces Court Size

WASHINGTON, D.C.—It was a doubly sad day for the Supreme Court. While they were still mourning the loss of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, pink slips were handed out to Justices Stephen Breyer, Elena Kagan, and Sonia Sotomayor as they were told to pack up their things and leave.

“I heard about court-packing,” Trump told the press. “I looked into it, and it ends up you can change the number of justices on the Supreme Court! Some people say it's bad, very bad. But I think it may be actually very good, really. We're trying to cut costs and get the economy rolling again! Why are we paying for all these extra justices we don’t even need? So we're doing kind of a reverse court-packing process and getting rid of all the really bad judges who don't like me”

Instead of going through the expensive headache of confirming a new justice to replace Ginsburg, Trump will now reduce the number of justices on the Supreme Court by four. This means that in addition to not appointing a successor to Ginsburg, three more justices needed to get the boot. Trump said he pulled the names at random from a hat. “Totally random, but not really,” he said.

Breyer, Kagan, and Sotomayor were told to clear out their desks and walk out, escorted by security. Each was given two weeks' pay as severance. They were also given a going away party at TGI Fridays, but few were allowed to attend due to social distancing.

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