U.S.—New documents have revealed the greatest presidential scandal in the history of our nation -- maybe even the world. The documents, obtained from a whistleblower, show that the White House was behind a series of murders of state and local officials and certain businessmen, all as part of a scheme to cover up bribes received by the president himself from such countries as Iran and North Korea.
This should not only lead to President Donald Trump being impeached but also to his arrest and perhaps his execution for treason. We will give you further details as they emerge.
UPDATE: On further analysis of the documents, the events in question actually took place in 2015 when Barack Obama was president. Since this doesn’t involve Trump and instead is just on some minor issue with Obama (who probably knew what he was doing), we’re just going to go ahead and delete this completely irrelevant story and replace it with analysis of the latest Trump tweet. Can you believe what he just said?