CAMBRIDGE, MA — A peer-reviewed paper published by Harvard scientists revealed that, in a blind taste test, 9 out of 10 men prefer the taste of water from a garden hose.
"This is a major breakthrough," Dr. Mitchell Orden said. "Now my wife can't judge me when I drink straight from the hose. I have science on my side."
In light of the these new findings, bottled water companies are already hard at work coming up with exciting garden hose-based products to take advantage of the male demographic. "Women have long been the top consumer of bottled water, and now we know why," said Primo Brands Corporation CEO Bob Water, distributor of Arrowhead Mountain Spring Water. "I used to think 100% mountain spring water was the best tasting water you could get, but I see now that I've wasted my life."
An excerpt from the published scientific paper highlights the moment one test subject tried water from a garden hose for the first time:
Mmmm. This tastes like metal.
According to experts, the groundbreaking new study goes a long way to explain the mysterious popularity of Dasani water, which, compared to other bottled waters, tastes the most like water from a garden hose.
At publishing time, scientists had also revealed that nine out of ten toddlers prefer the taste of sitting bath water.
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